Being a Mommy Takes Ninja Mind Tricks

When my son is trying to do something he is not supposed to (e.g., smush all the toothpaste out of the tube), he gets very quiet.

So then I go check on him.

I quietly approach him.

He has his back to me.

I say quietly, "What are you doing?"

Parker stands still. He looks over his shoulder. He whispers in a menacing tone:

"Go away."

I always laugh.

So, the other day, I decided to use his own trick on him.

He was nagging, as small children do, while I was cooking dinner. It was annoying. I looked over at him over my shoulder.

"Go away," I said in a quiet, menacing voice.

"Uugghh!" he scoffed at me.

When it was dinnertime, my boy said:

"I sit by Daddy. Mommy is being cranky at me."

Whatever works.

Wanna Play?

Something wonderful has happened around here!

For the first time, my boy was asked by a neighbor kid to play outside.

We are entering into an era where The Child can play outside, and I can keep an eye on things here and there while I'm inside.

My son is an only so it sure is nice that he has some other kids to play with, and they're not in my house fighting like brothers and sisters do.

He was so excited by playing with kids outside, he emphatically nodded his head saying, "Yes, Mommy," as I told him, "No going in the street!"

As the kids ran around the front yard, I could see Parker run by in a flash with his hand out in front "spraying" spider webs and shouting, "Here comes Spider Man!"

It's amazing how he's getting older and bigger at lightning speed. His fourth birthday is next week, and it is the first age where being a "big kid" is very important to him.

Obviously, we have not yet hit the phase where being "cool" is extremely important. Thank God.

On Crude Humor and Judging Other Parents

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I got to watch a movie – a real rated-R adult movie with no animation or singing by chipmunks! I had to watch said movie in three parts.

First during naptime, but then it was interrupted half-way through when my son was discovered awake, wandering the upstairs.

Then, I watched a little of it after work in my office because I refuse to return it to the damn Redbox unwatched. This is the second time I have rented this particular movie from a Redbox. The first time, I never got to see any of it before I returned it.

Renting a movie is a crap shoot. In our house, you never know if you’re going to get to watch it. I finally finished the movie while watching on my laptop at home with ear buds in my ears. But, hot damn, I finished it!

It was The Change-Up, and it was insanely, inappropriately hilarious! Have you seen it? Do you love crude humor as much as I do?

I was extremely grateful for all of the true and hearty LOLs it gave me.

There is this one line about parenting from the movie, and it goes something like this:

“If your children are ever misbehaving, they must be tired or hungry. If other people’s children are misbehaving, it’s because of negligent parenting or an inherent character flaw in the child.”

Ha! Isn’t it true how people tend to jump to those kind of judgments when it is not their own children? Of course, I find myself to be a highly-evolved and open-minded person and always try to reserve judgment in these cases – “Oh, I just feel sorry for the mom…” But, even I can admit that these thoughts have flashed in my mind sometimes.

What do you think of the quote from the movie? How often are you able to watch movies? Is it a god-forsaken miracle if you can ever watch an adult movie in one sitting and without falling asleep?